Monday, 4 July 2016

Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 161



I spoke with Tonya for a long period on whatsapp call few days ago. She relayed a situation between her and her also mixed race, half Ghanaian, half white boyfriend who weaves his hair and wears studs.

The whole story is making me realise how we ladies are actually very sensitive, even much more that we realise.

So she went to spend last Sunday at her boyfriend’s house, as they dedicated weekends as their bonding time. He stays with a flatmate, who is also his business partner. A female childhood friend of his had come to spend the weekend with him from another state because she had a job interview in their state that Friday, and was returning on Monday.

Tonya is pretty sure there’s nothing between them though they are very close. Now, the issue she didn’t like the fact that Carl and his female friend on the same bed, something carl told her himself. On Sunday morning, she did Carl’s laundry, information she gave out to Tonya when they were discussing but Carl never told her. She kept asking her why she would do Carl’s laundry, and the friend kept insisting that she really likes doing laundry.

All these things, Tonya wasn’t really comfortable with, but she didn’t mention it because she didn’t want to come across as a drama queen, which she could be a lot of times.

Tonya said the one that pushed her was after she went out with Carl to buy groceries. They had left his friend at home. Tonya had not eaten all day, so she couldn’t wait for food to be made, so she told Carl to buy ready-to-eat food for her. He did this, but as a takeaway so they had to go home to eat it.

Immediately they got home, he called his friend to join him in the kitchen so they could make dinner together. She said it was so automatic, it took her aback. She immediately felt useless, and like an outsider. It doesn’t matter whether Carl meant harm or not, that was how she felt.

beasts of the southern wild
Source
So she left the food he bought for her on the table, and stood at the kitchen door, watching his friend joyfully cutting groceries, and revelling on her kitchen duties while Carl started washing plates, and getting other things ready.

She was frowning, and he noticed. He must have guessed that she wasn’t happy with what was going on, but he didn’t make reference to the incident. So he just ignored her worries, as long as it was unvoiced.

Writing this whole thing in my diary, it seems really trivial, and something I can laugh off, but I think if I were in her shoes, I would also be pained. And this make me think… maybe as ladies, we are all more sensitive than we like to admit.

Or maybe Carl just didn’t do things with much tact. But no matter how we approach it, we would still be labelled drama queens.

10 comments :

  1. I don't think it's trivial,no matter how much we think we trust our partners a line of demarcation should be drawn. How would Carl feel if he were in her shoes?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, I don't think many guys put themselves in their women's shoes.

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    2. Which is very wrong. We are all human beings.

      Delete
  2. Of course we are more sensitive than we always admit.
    Your friend tried oh! Because other women would have acted nollywood scene at such occurrence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many women like to keep quiet, in order to avoid being labelled a drama queen

      Delete
    2. But "sometimes" it's good to let your partner know when you are not ok with somethings he does

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    3. In letting him know tact should be applied so you don't appear overly dramatic

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  3. I don't even think it's women being sensitive. This would hurt anyone. If the shoe were on the other foot- Tonya sleeping in the same bed as her male friend (!) and all this happening in front of Carl- he wouldn't find it easy either.
    She needs to speak up and if he can't put up boundaries to make his girlfriend happy, he just doesn't care that much and he needs to bounce.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you dear. It will be better off for Tonya and the lady friend to prepare the meal together.

      Delete

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