Monday, 29 June 2015

Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 108



Saturday was Boma’s third birthday, and we went to parrrryyyyyy. I can’t believe how time flies. I don’t think she was up to a year old when I started writing my diary, and she is all grown now with the sharpest tongue. Before I know it, she would be bringing suitors home.

My sister is looking all cute on her TWA, and she is pregnant again. I pray that this time, she makes it safe to the labour room, and have a safe delivery. I want a boy this time around. I don’t think I can cope with another femal terrorist like Boma, and have to deal with two heads of natural hair, which I am sure my sister will make my responsibility.

So while I was out enjoying myself at Boma’s party, which was like a small get-together, I observed that Boma wasn’t as talkative and snotty as she would usually be.

As she is growing older, her hair is getting longer and more beautiful. My sister braided it into 10 sections, and designed it with beads and bows. Most people thought extensions were added to it because of its fullness and length. When they discovered it wasn’t so, they were just oohing and aahhing, asking my sister for the ‘secret’ to her daughter’s fabulous hair. She was basking in the euphoria of the attention, while I just stood at one corner, eyeing her, since we both know I was the person doing all the major work on her hair and that of Boma. Talk about being sneaky.

Anyway, on a normal day, Boma would have been glowing and also enjoying the attention with her mum, but this time, it was different. I believe my sister, being very observant too, must have noticed, but kept quiet because she didn’t want to throw a spanner in the wheel.

I eventually cornered Boma, and asked her what was wrong.

“Titi pulled my hair, and my head is paining me.” She whined.

“Titi pulled your hair? Why?” I asked.

“She said it is not fine.”

“Titi pulled your hair, and said it is not fine?” I exclaimed. Which little imp dared pulled my niece’s hair when I am around? And really, how can anyone say Boma’s hair is not fine, the person must be blind?

“Where is Titi?” I asked, ready to use my boxing gloves to defend Boma’s dignity.

She pointed to a little girl in denim dress, sitting on her mother’s leg in a corner, as she was been fed jollof rice. I had noticed her before, and observed she was quite short, compared to Boma. She has very beautiful and long braided extensions, with something that looked like a million beads attached to the ends. I noticed her mostly because she kept shaking her head vigorously in front of all the little girls, so that her beads could rattle, and she could impress them all with her long beautiful expression extension.

“So that is Titi. Don’t mind her, she is just jealous because your hair is finer that her own.” I said, hoping that would settle it.

“But her hair is finer that my own.” Boma protested.

“Which hair?” I snorted. “She doesn’t even have hair.” I eyed Titi condescendingly.

“But her hair is very long and fine, like mamiwater’s own.” This my niece stuck to her guns.

Mamiwater ke? I thought children of nowadays don’t know things like mamiwater. I thought they were more into things like Ariel the little mermaid. I decided there and then that these two girls needed so awakening lesson. I decided to deal with Titi’s expression extension arrogance, but for now, I needed to sort Boma out. I decided to unleash my evil side.

“Okay, can I tell you a little secret?”

“Yes.”

“And you promise to tell nobody?”

“Yes.” She said, eyes wide with eager anticipation.

“Hmm, you can tell your friends, but don’t tell any adult, and don’t tell anyone I told you.”

“Okay, I promise.”

“Titi’s hair is not her hair.” Boma looked confused, so I pressed on. “Titi is using the hair they cut from the mamiwater’s head, and tied it to her own. She is now shaking it here to make you jealous. Titi doesn’t have any hair. She is jealous of your own long hair, and that is why she is using mamiwater’s hair so you will think her own is longer and finer that your own.”

As I explained, her face gradually changed from confusion to excitement. Before I could think of further ways to badmouth Titi, Boma joyfully scampered off from my presence like below.

John Cleese Silly Walk
Source
I soon spotted whispering into her friends ears, one after the other. Mission accomplished.

Now, where is that arrogant little Titi? Time to talk some sense into her.

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9 comments :

  1. Anna! Lmaooooo! Expression extension arrogance heeheeheeee...
    Poor Titi. Lol. But I can be this evil too; some of these angelic little girls can be quite mean. It's something I can do and feign ignorance.
    And who taught them mammywater?!

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    Replies
    1. Little girls of these days are not that angelic anymore o. They can cut you down with their tongue in the split of a second.

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  2. omg lmaooo chai I just can't stop laughing. best response ever ..... titi who

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  3. Lol. Ariel na mammywater that lives abroad.

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  4. Awesome response. I'll keep this in mind should I have girl children. Love this post

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    Replies
    1. Aww, thanks. Kids should be taught to love themselves naturally, and not let people talk them down for not joining the pack.

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